Well today was bianka's party and i have to admit it was pretty fun.
When I saw everybody(almost everybody) i realized how much i have missed them. I really do love my firends and I would be nothing without them. They might not know it but, they do mean a lot to me and I would be devastated if I did lose them. But, times have been a little difficult. I do get very lonely. I really do need somebody to love me. And I know that I will love them back. I do get jealous of my brother and my sister. They have somebody to have. Somebody to talk to. Somebody to love and to hold and for them to hold them also. But, I know I have to wait. But, I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF WAITING. I'm unhappy and I know it. But, I just need to concentrate on something else right now, so I don't go to bed all sad and deressed. Which I probably will...
Anyways, tomorrow is easter. Ugh, I'm just going to be surrounded by my family that is going to be preaching to me all day. It gets me angry. They know Im athiest but, they dont have to preach to me all the time. It gets really annoying. Great, my dad is preaching to me right now. its really annoying. Again. He will not stop. And my mom just gets really loud and starts yelling at me to pay attention. I know that when I go to church. I will not go in. At least when my dad isn't going with us. He will kill me if I do that, I know what he probably will think. "Great my son is gay because he is athiest." Well thats so dumb. I know I will not forget when I came out to my dad. He thought I chose to be gay, What the hell? Does he think I just woke up one day and decided. "I'll be gay from now on." Sometimes my family can be so full of shit. I was chatting with a man on the internet. And he told me the quote "Religous people are the drain on society." And I know its true becuase they preach about all this loveiness. But, when it comes to homosexuals. "Oh no, thats a sin." Thats so dumb. They're such hypocrites sometimes. But not all of them. Just the hardcore ones.
I will not understand people sometimes. People just need to learn how to get along with eachother and do not judge. I was born this way, Since I was a little kid. I didnt know it right away, I was a little kid thinking that a man must like a woman. But, thats not always true. I like men. People think its just for lust. But, thats so dumb. Even heterosexuals go for lust and hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I do not beleive in that. I want to find love. And I know it can be just so great. But I need to go now.
Oh, but another thing. If someone decides to choose a lifestyle for themselve. LET THEM. No one else shouldnt decide for other people nor, should anyone esle think that their lifestyle is above anyone elses. Thats just complet bull shit. I will not forget the quote a ploygamist said on oprah's show once.
"If I choose to live this way, I should live it and not be labeled a crimminal for it."
I will probably continue on this subject later but not now.
goodnight for now,
The Kill
