Happy Day

well, so far really really good.

everything has been going pretty good and i cant complain. changes are going on in my life. but, most of them are very good changes which pretty much just tells the bad changes to shut the fuck up. i got my lip pierced and that made me a very happy man. and yes. i do consider myself a man now. i am turning sixteen in two very short months and i cant wait. i hate being fifteen. it just makes me feel really young. and when i think about it. if i say "i'm sixteen years old." i feel very much older than just the number 15.

well now that im thinking about age. age is a very weird thing that we can use to judge people by. when you think about it oh a little 3 year old must be so cute and adorable and every little move that little creature makes is so cute. and yes they can be. but when people start talking in stupid language to babies i just think they're fucking retarded. i mean the baby is not a dog or some other sort of pet. it is a human being. get over it. jeez.

back to how things are going well in my life. i havent blogged in such a long time. and i feel bad for kinda forgetting about one of my releaes. *take note. it is kinda hard to text someone and blog at the same time. you have a train of thought and then it screeches to a shrieking hault becuase you have to answer a text.* whoa... major deja vu...

anyways... back to how things are going so good in my life. AGAIN. well i have been practicing on the piano a lot lately and i am getting slightly better every single day. and even though i am not taking lessons YET. i think i am getting kinda good. BARELY. geez. i dont wanna be conceited. i am saving up money to buy a keyboard. and not just any keyboard. but, a casio that i have been eyeing ever sinced i pressed that b chord. *im just guessing thats its name.* lol 

ugh, i just checked my myspace and i added a guy that use to be in my spanish class which i thought was super cute. and i dont think he wants to add a guy he doesnt even know. oh well. i tried. its not like a gay guy could have a straight guy anyways. it would be nice though..

but, fuck that train of thought. i could type all night. lets talk about my job shall we?

okay well i have a job at the pool. and i think its kinda funny that there is a gay locker attendant. (that would be me) anyways i get to watch some eye candy every once in awhile.

but now my train of thought it really screeching to a very loud shrieking hault. i am currently using my sisters laptop and now she wants to use. it. oh did i mention i can play "us"by regina spekotr?

oh well i gotta go. my sister is gonna kick me off any second.

oh well.

i'll just bog again some other time

as my old english teacher would say.

(in a dull boring voice)  

buuhhh-byyee

-the kill

(yes thats me)

p.s. i fought the british and i won.

he made it look fun

Today was okay. Wasnt really that great and not that bad. I felt the need to write since everything else on the computer couldn't satsify me right now. I was watching a movie right now. and it wasnt so great. the directing, story, and acting was really bad. i left when half of the movie was done. well lets disguss school. since thats the only exciting thing in my life right now.

well its okay as well. my grades dropped to a 2.5. i am not happy about that at all. i was suppose to have a 3.0 to get my lip pierced in the summer, but i guess i have to wait now. well i do get my job hopefuly in the summer. maybe i can get it then along with another list of things. well my concer is in may and i am saving up my money so i can buy a few things when i get there. it will be really awesome. i am going to tell my brother to get me there early becuase i want to be in the front to see my favorite band. it would be the best thing ever. oh, back to school... well me and my friend are getting closer i think. my friend said she saw him checking me out the other day. that kind of made me happy. so i guess he thinks im attractive. and i let him borrow my ipod once too and he was giving it back to me, and we had a liitle hand action i guess. it was kind of cute. i think hes cute. even though sometimes he can be a liitle anime geek. i think its cute.

things at home are going well right now. nothing really bad going on that i can think of. i think i should write another little poem to keep my creativeness going on in my brain. i will be starting my junior year in september and there is more pressure for college coming up and deciding what major i will be choosing.(which i have no idea that will be) and what college. i know i will go to a community college for two years and then tranfer to a four year college. i am getting a little better at the piano. but barely because i hardly practice. i really wish i had started as a child at my grandmas. since i went everyday. i always wanted to play when i was a child but i was afraid of my grandmother yelling at me for messing with her piano. i want to get lessons for it.

im reading this book. and i know a million people have read it. but its actually pretty good. i have read this series book. and i have seen almost every body at school with it in there hands. i have no idea how this book suddenly got so popular. it kind of makes me not want to read the series anymore. even though i liked the book very much, i just dont really like the fact that everybody is reading it now. im kind of disappointed.

well, switching gears now, i was watching will and grace the other day and they were talking about a game night that they would be throwing. and in the it was misscommunication that got it to gay night and they were discussing it in the show. and my dad heard them saying gay night and made a sound of disapproval. i know he still doesnt like the idea of me being gay. and niehter does my mother. i have no idea anymore but, they kinda have to just deal with it. its not something i can change.

well, back to school the other day i was in my chemistry period and we were discussing how people hear "hidden messages" in music if you play it backwards and how it says a message from the devil or somehting. well i was just sharing my opinion with my friends on how that was just a pile of shit. and they agreeed with me. and i said that they're just saying that just to make the music look bad. and how i could play christian music backwards and say it says a hidden message as well. well, my friends got all defensive about what i said and called me a god-hating athiest and how i was trying to recruit them. well this got me very upset with them and thought "how could i hate god, if i dont beleive in him?" i know people will not accept me becuase of my sexuality and if they do then they wont accept me for my beleifs. i will not understand people.

but my hands are tired of typing now
so goodnight for now,

The Kill

=](continued)

I already know I wrote a sentence of a blog like three minutes ago but, i kinda feel like writing anyways. so here is goes:

Today was a good day. I worked on my mural for school about for three hours and I think i did a damn good job too. i hope i get an a on it. that will make me be happy. well life is going good for me right now. my friend recently came out to us and told us he's bisexual. im happy for him. but, i think im starting to like him. i've always kinda liked him before. i always thought he looked cute. but, i guess since i know hes bi it just prgrogressed into a crush. i hope he likes me too. we kinda sit next to each other in my chemistry class and he makes me coffee sometimes. he can be really sweet. i'm over the other guy i liked becuase i knew it wouldn't happen anyways so i quit. and now i found another. i hope he realizes i like him. and well see where it goes from there.

I am so excited i am going to finally see the dresden dolls. ive been wanting to see them in the longest time. and i finally have tickets to go to there show. i dont think there going to do a signing this time but, at least i'll see them on stage. i am going to see along to everysong, except the songs i dont know yet. but i am really excited. im saving up my money to pay my brother for the ticket, gay prom, and gay pride. im excited for the next few months. i have things to look forward too. and i look forward to the summer now too. i decided im going to change my look in the summer. i wont do it now. i'll wait till the summer where i dont have to worry about anything else. like homework. homework is so dumb. i think i want to cut my hair short. where i dont have to straighten it anymore. im getting tired of it. im damaging my hair too much. and the whole emo thing is kind of annoying to me. i dont wanna look like it. and ima stretch out my ears too. im going to get my lip peirced(if i can keep a 3.0 for the rest of the semester.) its going to be awesome.

well i think i should finish my homework now,
goodnight

the kill

=]

i got my tickets, all is well.

Gah...

My parents drive me crazy. I really want to go to the dresden dolls concert in may but, they seem to just ignore me at what i say.
My brother already told me he'll go with me. And i still havent got tickets. I already missed two chances to meet them and because no one gives a fuck at what i want to do. No body in my house cares. My parents dont like me being gay. Im sure therre just lying when they say they still love me

Anothey Day

Well today was bianka's party and i have to admit it was pretty fun.
When I saw everybody(almost everybody) i realized how much i have missed them. I really do love my firends and I would be nothing without them. They might not know it but, they do mean a lot to me and I would be devastated if I did lose them. But, times have been a little difficult. I do get very lonely. I really do need somebody to love me. And I know that I will love them back. I do get jealous of my brother and my sister. They have somebody to have. Somebody to talk to. Somebody to love and to hold and for them to hold them also. But, I know I have to wait. But, I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF WAITING. I'm unhappy and I know it. But, I just need to concentrate on something else right now, so I don't go to bed all sad and deressed. Which I probably will...

Anyways, tomorrow is easter. Ugh, I'm just going to be surrounded by my family that is going to be preaching to me all day. It gets me angry. They know Im athiest but, they dont have to preach to me all the time. It gets really annoying. Great, my dad is preaching to me right now. its really annoying. Again. He will not stop. And my mom just gets really loud and starts yelling at me to pay attention. I know that when I go to church. I will not go in. At least when my dad isn't going with us. He will kill me if I do that, I know what he probably will think. "Great my son is gay because he is athiest." Well thats so dumb. I know I will not forget when I came out to my dad. He thought I chose to be gay, What the hell? Does he think I just woke up one day and decided. "I'll be gay from now on." Sometimes my family can be so full of shit. I was chatting with a man on the internet. And he told me the quote "Religous people are the drain on society." And I know its true becuase they preach about all this loveiness. But, when it comes to homosexuals. "Oh no, thats a sin." Thats so dumb. They're such hypocrites sometimes. But not all of them. Just the hardcore ones.

I will not understand people sometimes. People just need to learn how to get along with eachother and do not judge. I was born this way, Since I was a little kid. I didnt know it right away, I was a little kid thinking that a man must like a woman. But, thats not always true. I like men. People think its just for lust. But, thats so dumb. Even heterosexuals go for lust and hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I do not beleive in that. I want to find love. And I know it can be just so great. But I need to go now.

Oh, but another thing. If someone decides to choose a lifestyle for themselve. LET THEM. No one else shouldnt decide for other people nor, should anyone esle think that their lifestyle is above anyone elses. Thats just complet bull shit. I will not forget the quote a ploygamist said on oprah's show once.

"If I choose to live this way, I should live it and not be labeled a crimminal for it."

I will probably continue on this subject later but not now.

goodnight for now,
The Kill